Now that we have a young extrovert in the family, you are invited to eat with us. In case you happen to drop in, you should know that we run a tight but leaky ship. Here are a few rules to keep in mind:
- Don’t touch your brother. Or his food, his plate, silverware, cup, napkin, or chair. Your sister too, don’t touch her.
- Mommy likes to eat undisturbed, so don’t touch her either.
- Try a little of everything on the table, even brussels sprouts and asparagus.
- Complainers may leave the table and eat at the next meal.
- Say thank you for the meal, and you might get extra hugs and kisses. And dessert.
- If a grownup stands up to get something, this is not a group invitation for everyone to leave the table.
- You will probably fall off your chair at some point during a meal. When this happens, take a moment to stop crying and just get back on your chair. Even if it hurts, you still must obey rule #1.
- If you are crying, stop it. If you can’t stop crying in 10 minutes by your own power, Daddy will stop your crying for you.
- Do not dip your four fingers in your milk and then slurp the milk off of them.
- No singing at the table. No car noises either. No “going out for a pass.” And no shouting, spitting, or burping. In fact, just stop it. Right now.
If you still want to come, we look forward to eating near you.